so it turns out i am going away after all. my grandpa is still sick though. they think it might be cancer. i don't know. i can't worry because it is too distant and disconnected in my mind. i guess i will see when i get there. i am glad we are going away again though. one, it will get me out of my house, out of sterling. two, i will get to see my family, my cousins, everyone, even if they are distracted by other things.

tonight i think i am seeing charlie and the chocolate factory with kyle. and then tomorrow, we are leaving. on a plane. so i am packing once again. i am the worst packer ever because basically, instead of making decisions about what to pack, i just pack everything. indecision, you know.

i have been listening to the postal service and they are kind of soothing in a weird way. outside it is kind of grey; i don't know if it is supposed to rain. last night i wrote a poem for the first time in awhile. today i got my pictures back from explo. i will show you some if you want.